X-Blades: When Bad Video Games Go Bad

November 6, 2009

As a general rule, you want to avoid games with “X” in the title.  Possible exceptions include X-Men and possibly some others.  X-Blades is not one of those exceptions.

The game follows a treasure hunter who is equipped with two swords, two guns, and no pants.  The entire first level involves awakening some God in an artifact and dooming the world.  If by now you’ve completely lost interest in the story, then you made it longer than the writers for this game.

It’s rare that action games have combat that is slower than turn-based RPGs, but X-Blades manages it.  You barely move while attacking, so you have to get right up to enemies before you can attack.  This makes enemies who move around – at a distance no less – really fucking terrible to fight.

That is the second level.  I quit because there is a light in my soul that has not yet been doused by the harshness of the world.  X-Blades was eying that fire while holding an extinguisher.


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